focus 10:39 PM

This came to my mind the other day.

How often are we able to criticize something in our lives. Whether notable or not, I'm sure its possible to always find something thats we can't help to complain about. Then I realized, if at any moment we are able to complain, then it is also true that at any moment we can be content. For if one is allowed to be a constant, then the other shall be too. For the peace of God fills troubles with understanding.

Philippians 4:6-9

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Christ Jesus.

Fix your eyes on what is true, honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me- everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

average day at work 12:40 AM

These are some of the pictures I've happened to take at work this year so far.

The job isn't the best, but my students (as insane as they make me), oddly enough are what keeps me there. I wonder if I'll get to eventually see them graduate 5th grade... Both dreading the thought of being there for another 3 years to see that happen, but also not wanting to leave them.

ok, i'm getting all sentimental and sappy ...i just wanted to post these fun pictures of all the merrymaking of my students. :)!

my next 2 weeks 11:17 PM

word docs of essays and citations of the heezy plus several tabs of scholarly articles i don't understand...

Definitely ready for my computer screen to stop looking like this.

Asian people and a lot of pandas 12:23 AM

For Aslan! 10:15 PM

Robbie and I saw the movie "African Cats" last weekend!

And okay, it was incredible. I don't know how many times during the movie I said "Oh my gosh I can't handle this!" ....i don't really know why i said that though.

I'm not so good of a movie critic, so I will say that EVERYONE in the universe should go see it.

Yes, the adorable little lion cubs and baby cheetahs stole my heart but aside from that I learned and was reminded of a few things by watching it:

One, our earth is stunning and entirely beautiful. Duh, I already knew that, but some of the shots were just ABSURD.

Two, females will always have to live with a double standard of some sort. I blame Eve.

Three, I still can't figure out why cheetahs don't live in groups. Maybe they are just capable of doing life alone, even though it comes with many weaknesses. I hate that I can relate?

Four, wildlife is straightforward and sincere. There is no pretending to be something you're not, no confusion of what what role you play.

Five, relationships.

Since the relationships between the animals were so straightforward, it was easy to see their intentions. Their actions were propelled by allegiance alone. I found myself respecting them for their selflessness too, a trait I envied because of how natural it came to them. I also got a glimpse of how all relationships were meant to push for the greater good, for a bigger picture than just the individual. Wether to expand, protect, feed, love, sacrifice, or surrender, relationships are meant to preserve and strengthen life.

Okay so obviously I liked it. I'm over-complicating it. Watch it and don't think about anything I said. Male lions are badass.

family 5:43 PM

My family from Colorado visited last week. We did a bunch of random things: ate, napped, beached, churched, ate seafood, learned how to use a telescope, walked Lake Hodges, completed three 500-piece jigsaw puzzles in three days, and somehow made a complete meal from the scrounged remnants found in my barren fridge.

i only got pictures of a few, obviously.

tip: avocado will make anything seem delicious.

march madness 8:24 PM

Despite the everlasting amount of homework and/or stress that this (over-extended) season of life holds, I still say to it: "Hey."

...and then I say, "You will not rule me."

So although I should have spent the majority of my weekend engulfed in preparation for my essay, I think it is a rule of nature that we always somehow miraculously uncover a portion of time for ourselves. Where we find it, we don't know. "Perhaps in another dimension", I would answer to my conscience, who doesn't seem to respect personal space.

I think for a long time my hobbies and interests got pushed to the wayside.

My obligation to say "Oh, I don't have time for you!" (speaking to my hobbies/interests) is certainly strong when it wants to be...

but then there are those times when They (hobbies) are tired of being ignored and disrespected, so They revolt and there is just nothing I can do to stop them.

Its only fair that I give in. So, justice was served this weekend and I ended up with this piece of work. I'm really into making pillows lately? There will be more to come. I also started making an infinity scarf (but that's going to take me forever!) and found that exfoliating is another hobby I've developed? (weird).

I don't even need a back story for this one...

There was an Ugliest Dog Contest this weekend. 'nuff said. I wasn't going to miss it. There were all sorts of canines swarming the place, hanging out, bein' ugly, bein' cute. It was glorious.

I am quite possibly declaring it as a highlight of the year for me.

Carefree, offbeat, and intriguing. Right up my alley. :)

The first was the winner last year, Rascal.

And the second one is the winner this year, Chomper.

now that I've procrastinated long enough, its time to learn about social movements that took place in the 1970s.

Peace.

understand. 10:15 AM

i had a recent conversation with friend about the oh so roundabout topic of homosexuals who are christians. well, that conversation maybe finally made it so that i could start to put words to the things i've been contemplating in the back of my mind for a while now...or maybe i still can't, considering i'm having a hard time thinking about what to write now.

here's my problem.

well my problem may not be a problem, it's in fact probably beautiful.

its just that i've had a hard time distinguishing how to respond to things in this life lately. the concepts that are supposed to be "black and white" are blurring themselves together. i blame jesus. he just came and changed everything. everyone's lives that came after jesus are just altered. it doesn't even matter if you like jesus or not, if you believe in him or don't, your life was altered the minute he came into the world.

why?

i have to admit, i don't fully grasp why he made it like that. but my mind keeps going to the stories of the people that met him. every story about jesus's interaction with a person speaks deeply about who he was and what he believes. he defended the prostitute, lounged with the sinner, and wept with the weeping. what i mean by this is that jesus kind of broke the barriers between what we though was right and wrong, good and bad. and i'm not just talking about sin, i'm talking about just bad circumstances too. i'm not saying that there is no distinction between what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad...but the more i think about how i am to respond to what is supposed to be good and what is supposed to be bad, i think twice about. how do i show love instead of judgement but also hold to what is right. which is priority? how do i see a friend struggle in a certain place but tell them that its all going to be alright? how do i be unhappy but still be okay? how is that my answer for everything these days? ...that its all going to somehow be okay. its left me feeling rather ambiguous about life. i'm not saying its a bad thing, its just something i'm beginning to wrap my head around. its just that, with a God who is good and with jesus, what else do we have to argue? your life can get to the lowest of lows, but ultimately what does it matter? on the reverse, your life can be the richest of the rich, but ultimately what does it matter?

okay, i'm having a hard time explaining.

i thought i had a point to this, but i'm still experiencing...

i guess my best effort to describe it now is its a mix between these two: The book of Ecclesiastes and this verse must have to go hand in hand...

2 corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

Ecclesiastes

I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (1:13-14)

I saw that wisdom is better than folly,

just as light is better than darkness.

The wise have eyes in their heads,

while the fool walks in the darkness;

but I came to realize

that the same fate overtakes them both. (2:13-14)

Frustration is better than laughter,

because a sad face is good for the heart.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,

but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person

than to listen to the song of fools.

Like the crackling of thorns under the pot,

so is the laughter of fools.

This too is meaningless. (7:3-6)

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. (3:9-14)

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future. (7:14) Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it. (8:17)

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.(9:11)

break time! 8:08 PM

in the midst of writing a paper that i have literally spent all day on and am still currently working on, i decided i deserved a blog post.

yes, it has taken me 10+ hours to write 3 freaking paragraphs.

no, i am not stupid.

and yes, yesterday was a much better day.

here's what happens when i have the day off and robbie is in sd.

pictures from yesterday's events: cookie making :)

if you must know the context, this little undertaking was wedged nicely into a full day of Tron costume hunting, El Torito eating, birthday gift buying, Galaxy Quest watching

and

....breadsticks.

(theres jam in the middle of the cookies....)

The cookies turned out to be quite tasty and i'd like to take this time to thank the blackberries for their sacrifice to make this event possible.

i'm gon crazy.

i need to finish this paper. now.

h2o 8:21 PM

The other day I bought one of those massive Smartwater water bottles because it was on sale. I was surprised as how much water I consumed in one day because of it. It also made me think about all the days when I probably drank close to nothing. Not okay. This inspired me to start drinking the amount of water that us humans are supposed to drink each day. (Side note: which I found out is half the number of pounds you weight, in ounces.)

Cheers to a full bladder and of course, health.

^ thats me.

One Year! 12:57 AM

It is our one year anniversary today!

And like many people in love, we took a romantic afternoon walk on the beach.

...the obvious setting when Robbie decided we finally needed to implement

"Preppy Day"

(which kind of looks a little like Great Gatsby day).

It was absolutely diviiiine as we strolled and discussed our to-do's for the day which included finding another summer home on the veranda, purchasing stock, and scheduling tennis lessons with Andre Agassi.

And that is how its done.

hey gurrrl. 3:45 AM

took a 3 hour nap tonight

...couldn't fall asleep again.

...finished this, though!

(it's a beanie.)

just phlogging (photo blogging) the things i love. 11:55 PM

i got caught up in looking through all my folders of photos i'd taken in the last couple of years. these are just a few that brought me back to the

memories&stories, ups&downs

that i can't help but to connect with each photo.

if you recognize a picture, know that i love you!

sunset 11:10 PM

Even the view from good ol' Redbud Ct can be breathtaking.

Think about THAT metaphor, you people.

clash of spirit and flesh 12:20 AM

sometimes i have those moments when i realize just how much i do not understand myself.

i lose all track of how i operate, how i handle things, or what gets to me.

i find that everyday is a pretty good/good day and then i get to a day that hits a point of breakdown. this is when i realize that all those pretty good/good days were what lead up to and caused the breakdown day. maybe it is how i gauge my idea of a good or bad day. it's not a very good method. for instance, no bad incident happened today, theres nothing new to freak out over, no tears, i worked hard and loved the people around me, etc....so overall, it couldn't have been too bad of a day right?

i can be so incredibly stupid sometimes.

i think the thing is that i just want to be having good days. normal days. i apparently want those words to be synonymous. it's truly delusional. honestly as i say these things, i feel like i'm talking about a different person. i feel like the person i'm talking about is pretty dense and kind of ignorant. i feel like if she sat down with me to meet over coffee and told me all these things about herself, i would tell her that she is missing the entire point. i would ask her to tell me when Jesus ever fought for normalcy. i would tell her that doing your day "right" does not always mean tending pleasantly to each area of her life, it does not mean getting through it feeling burden-free or unwounded. i would tell her about God's bigger plans. i would tell her that i saw Him pushing for her be broken so that he can build her into something she dreams to be. i would tell her that all of this will be worth something beautiful.

it is uncanny how much harder it is from this side of things. knowing i'm not just sitting on the uplifting side of that conversation. we live in a battle of spirit and flesh, of things eternal and things of the earth. every one of us is 100% physical and 100% spiritual. both feel so real. but it's the one that feels much more immediate that throws me for a loop again and again.

2 Corinthians 4

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (16-18)

an EP 12:12 AM

Dr. Seahorse album called Red Carpet:

If it was made into a painting, it would look like one of those cool abstract modern paintings. But not the smart-ass kind that gets on your nerves because it has no apparent meaning to it or the kind that is so modernly abstract, that you say to yourself "i could do this." If this album morphed into the form of canvas and paint, it would be the one in the gallery that you stand in front of for a long time, call your friend over to look at, and say "huh." Lots of color and shapes. Genuinely creative and respectfully modern.

tracks 1 and 3 win... so far.

get it off itunes for $4.95 and get your freak on.

i don't want to be pigless anymore 11:48 PM

i was recently told about a pet called a teacup pig and now i'm kind of obsessed with the idea of getting one. since my birthday already passed, for christmas i ask that everyone tries to convince my mom that since i can't get a dog, i MUST have one of these dear forever-baby pigs.

that's all i ask.

ESS 12:03 AM

so this is my class. just shy of 30 as of now.

rowdy, defiant, DRAMATIC little things. if you met them, you'd agree. and if you saw how long it took to take this picture, you would understand. but it's entirely impossible not to love them.

picka-shoe 6:31 PM

i admit, i was never a pokemon maniac or platform fanatic ... but these are to die forrrrr.

birthday 8:06 PM

My birthday was last weekend.

And okay, so maybe my birthday isn't a huge deal to me. But the people in my life are. I feel so blessed by the people I was able to spend time with.

(don't tell anyone, but you're my favorites)

also, check out the treat tim and natalie gave me.

It's Beyoncé in cupcake-form, right?!