Psalm 23

I woke up this morning feeling like my head was going to fall off and explode. I knew I was sick, but at this point, I was kind of just consumed with disgustingness. Oh, perfect. Ahead of me was a huge, exciting day that I had been looking forward to...and it was about to fail.

The harder I pushed to convince myself that I could get through the day ahead and keep to my commitments...the more horrible I felt. This was not a coincidence.

If you've heard of the 5 love languages or know what I'm talking about, then you will understand when I say that my most prominent love language is 'physical touch'. I just read a book about this and I learned something. Did you know God loves us as well as disciplines us using our love language? Welp, today : exhibit A.

For the past few weeks I've been running around like a psycho trying to balance all of these things/to-do's/decisions/commitments that all hold real importance to me(except for school. aka the death of me) All of these are things that I'm not willing to, or simply cannot just drop from my life. Its been a mess trying to figure them out. So finally today, God said, mae leah, enough is enough. He allowed me to become just sick enough to where I was no longer able to function to do the things I needed to get done. In the mean time, what made it even harder was that I was letting other people down (cancelling our awesome small group day) and at times since I am too sick to take care of myself, I am forced to let my mother wait on me. I'm not sure if this is actually harder for her or for me.


So yep, God took me out of my own plans today. He rebukes and teaches me that I need to just freaking stop. He makes me lie down in green pastures (or literally in this case, on my green comforter). All of these things that God gave me to do, to balance, were not given to me for ME to do. Instead they are for Him to do through me.


Yes, the things I'm juggling are important to God and I dont believe He wants me to discontinue any of them. But the point is, I'm the one who's doing the juggling, not Him.

Sometimes, its a rude awakening when He will cripple me just enough so I cant do anything about anything. And I've talked about this before (scroll down) and this is one of those moments when God decided to humble me and put me back in place.

He wants me to stay true.