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Sunday, January 17, 2010

Okay,

What I wanted is what I got. But frankly, I am feeling incredibly terrified of it now.
It has been on my heart for a while now about letting school drop from my life for a while. I didn't really expect for it to happen this soon though. Yes, it would have been more convenient and less threatening to myself and to my mom to say that I am considering taking a semester off after spring and after getting my GE. But, I just felt like God had different, and maybe not so 'organized' of plans for this up-coming semester.
I have never been a huge optimist about going to school (to say the least) but i swear, that was not my motivation for this decision. no really, i'm serious.
after a very long and difficult talk with my mom she made a decision "against her will" to let me go through with this. along with this conversation, she brought in a huge reality check for me.
there are a million things spinning in my head now, but here are some things i know for sure...
growing up is scary.
going to school is probably easier than this is going to be.
i'm so scared of the discipline i'm going to need.
intentionalness is definitely the running theme of the year so far.
I better be right about God putting this on my heart or else this is going to totally suck.
I'm still scared.

Give me some time, hopefully i will be happy about this again.

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