understand.

i had a recent conversation with friend about the oh so roundabout topic of homosexuals who are christians. well, that conversation maybe finally made it so that i could start to put words to the things i've been contemplating in the back of my mind for a while now...or maybe i still can't, considering i'm having a hard time thinking about what to write now.

here's my problem.

well my problem may not be a problem, it's in fact probably beautiful.

its just that i've had a hard time distinguishing how to respond to things in this life lately. the concepts that are supposed to be "black and white" are blurring themselves together. i blame jesus. he just came and changed everything. everyone's lives that came after jesus are just altered. it doesn't even matter if you like jesus or not, if you believe in him or don't, your life was altered the minute he came into the world.

why?

i have to admit, i don't fully grasp why he made it like that. but my mind keeps going to the stories of the people that met him. every story about jesus's interaction with a person speaks deeply about who he was and what he believes. he defended the prostitute, lounged with the sinner, and wept with the weeping. what i mean by this is that jesus kind of broke the barriers between what we though was right and wrong, good and bad. and i'm not just talking about sin, i'm talking about just bad circumstances too. i'm not saying that there is no distinction between what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad...but the more i think about how i am to respond to what is supposed to be good and what is supposed to be bad, i think twice about. how do i show love instead of judgement but also hold to what is right. which is priority? how do i see a friend struggle in a certain place but tell them that its all going to be alright? how do i be unhappy but still be okay? how is that my answer for everything these days? ...that its all going to somehow be okay. its left me feeling rather ambiguous about life. i'm not saying its a bad thing, its just something i'm beginning to wrap my head around. its just that, with a God who is good and with jesus, what else do we have to argue? your life can get to the lowest of lows, but ultimately what does it matter? on the reverse, your life can be the richest of the rich, but ultimately what does it matter?

okay, i'm having a hard time explaining.

i thought i had a point to this, but i'm still experiencing...

i guess my best effort to describe it now is its a mix between these two: The book of Ecclesiastes and this verse must have to go hand in hand...

2 corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

Ecclesiastes

I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. (1:13-14)

I saw that wisdom is better than folly,

just as light is better than darkness.

The wise have eyes in their heads,

while the fool walks in the darkness;

but I came to realize

that the same fate overtakes them both. (2:13-14)

Frustration is better than laughter,

because a sad face is good for the heart.

The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,

but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.

It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person

than to listen to the song of fools.

Like the crackling of thorns under the pot,

so is the laughter of fools.

This too is meaningless. (7:3-6)

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. (3:9-14)

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future. (7:14) Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it. (8:17)

I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.(9:11)